Daft Dictionary (Microfax Jokes Books)

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I learned about method acting at drama school, when all my classmates stayed in character as posh, patronising twats for the entire three years I was there. Doctor takes a look at the guy and he seems a bit daft so he asks him "well, why don't you show me how you use 'em? So in this picture, you'd expect a car to go along in the left to right direction as well as north-south. I remember doing security at the Brits a few years back when it all kicked off between Steps and Jamiroquai. Boasting an encyclopaedic knowledge on all things TV, celebrity and royals, career highlights include working at HELLO!

because I didn’t want my niece to grow up to be one of these kids you hear about on the news where it says, ‘The 17 year old defendant, who hasn’t been named’. I was thinking of running a marathon, but I think it might be too difficult getting all the roads closed and providing enough water for everyone. It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road.After a day and night of walking the two men are dying from thirst and so incredibly hungry when they spot 3 camels crest the nearest dune and head towards them. Here are some family-friendly why-jokes with answers that will steer the conversation away from boring and annoying topics and bring the whole house together with laughter. He came back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees; apparently she stood him up!

There are three important rooms in a house; one is filled with money, another with important files, and the last with jewelry. Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job – knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

If a monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree, who will get the banana first? If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half-hour, how long would it take before all the pills had been taken? Like the way an Irish person or a Scottish person would say that the band Snow Patrol are boring but an Eskimo has a hundred words for how crap Snow Patrol are. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent.

If you think these are cheesy, check out some of these actual cheese jokes and find out why Edam is the only cheese made backwards. A 10-foot rope ladder hangs over the side of a boat with the bottom rung on the surface of the water. The man is short and can only reach the 50th-floor button but, on rainy days he can reach higher with his umbrella handle. They will give you something interesting to think about–and if you get them right, you’re going to feel like the smartest person in the room. A young boy was rushed to the hospital emergency room, but the ER doctor saw the boy and refused to operate.And when you’re finished, you can ask them to your family and friends to see who answered the most right!

We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. of the best short jokes and one-liners to get you laughing in seconds “I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. just enjoying the views and the rolling hills, when suddenly she happened upon another blonde sitting in a boat in the middle of the field, pulling the oars like her life depended. Yo Mamma’s so fat… that other people have to pay for the health consequences of this via general taxation, even though it’s her responsibility. For more seasonal joke inspiration, we have a comprehensive guide to the best Christmas jokes for you to try out.Here’s a tip for the new viewers: if the show starts with the pilots being interviewed… it will be a boring episode. The business of dad jokes has been going on for generations, but don't deny it - we all secretly love them. Maybe Hitler wouldn’t have been so grumpy if people hadn’t left him hanging for high fives all the time. In their house they found 500 cans of assorted food, 100kg of pasta, 75kg of rice, 200 toilet rolls and 30L of hand sanitiser which he had panic bought from Tesco “just in case!